


Third Wheel

by DollyPop



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: Brotp, F/M, Gen, Platonic SpiritMarie, Platonic SteinSpirit, Shipping, Third Wheel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-13
Updated: 2015-11-13
Packaged: 2018-05-01 12:10:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5205389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DollyPop/pseuds/DollyPop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spirit doesn't want to say that he called it.</p>
<p>But he absolutely called it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Third Wheel

**1\. (Ass)umptions**

“Woah, what’s got Mjolnir in such a good mood?” Spirit asked. “Haven’t seen her so cheerful in a while.”

Next to him, Stein simply took in another drag of his cigarette, watching Marie from his spot on the bench as she handed out cookies to students. Stein merely shrugged, exhaling the smoke slowly, the blissful burn in his lungs intensifying with each second he held out on fresh air. Spirit turned to look at him, the redhead’s green eyes narrowing.

“…she totally got laid last night.”

Stein closed his eyes. Ah, there it was. His friend, and he does use that term loosely, often had only one thing on his mind.

“You might not want to let her hear you say that,” Stein replied, stifling the urge to yawn while he continued smoking. But Spirit wouldn’t let up.

“Dude, she probably got tongue-shoveled. She’s way too happy.”

Stein thinks he actually stopped breathing. “What?” he spat out, the cigarette dangling in his mouth as he turned to look at Spirit with a confused look on his face.

“Hm? Oh, you know: tongue-shoveled. It’s when you-“

“No, that isn’t what I wanted clarification on-“

“lick a woman’s-“

“Spirit don’t-“

“-holy hole-“

“We’re at work-“

“-her pleasure wound-“

“Spirit-“

“-her panty hamster-“

“You need to be euthanized-“

“-her-“

“Shut up, Senpai, don’t make me dissect you, again” Stein commanded, slapping a hand over the other man’s mouth just in time for Marie to look over at them, waving and smiling. Stein blinked at her, his mouth tilting into a semblance of a smile. He used his free hand to wave once, before moving his attentions back to Spirit, whose eyes were wide after watching the display. When Stein moved his palm away, Spirit was all too loud.

“It was you!”

“Senpai-“

“Oh my Death!“

“Senp-“

“Was it you?!”

“Spiri-“

“I didn't know you had it in you!”

“Spirit-“

“Did she give you hea-“

The glint of scalpel was, oddly enough, especially effective in silencing him.

* * *

 

**2\. When Offered**

The teachers lounge was supposed to be a safe haven. A safe haven free from students, and grading, and loud, ridiculous former weapon partners who everyone was fond of referring to as Stein’s “best friend”. 

But it wasn’t. Safe havens didn’t exist, it seemed.

“Happy Birthday, Buddy,” Spirit said, grinning when he walked into the room and plopped a box onto the other man’s lap.

In his chair, Stein could only stare at him. “It isn’t my birthday.”

“Well, I’m early, then.”

“Especially when you don’t want to be,” Stein commented, shifting his cigarette around in his mouth at Spirit’s offended gasp. The amusement on the younger man’s face was dampened, however, when he finally looked down at the ‘gift’ his former weapon decided to bestow upon him.

“Condoms. Really?” Stein asked, throwing the box back to the redhead, who immediately threw it back.

“Really.”

“Senpai, you aren’t my type.”

At that, the elder made a disgusted face, arms flailing. “Stein, no!” but Stein only blew some smoke out into Spirit’s face, his deadpan expression holding firm. Spirit scowled, waving the plume away and rolling his eyes. “I figure you might need them,” he said, tossing them back, and this time, Stein looked at the box once more, lifting a brow.

“I have no use for  _these_.”

“Stein, you’re living with Mjolnir.”

He looked up. “Yes.”

“…and you’re  _living_  with  _Mjolnir._ ”

“Changing the emphasis in that statement does not alter anything. Yes. I am living with Marie. And I fail to see how she has anything to do with these,” Stein remarked.

“Are you kidding me? Have you seen how she looks at you?”

“Yes.” Rather hard not to, considering they were naked together the night before and she’d spent most of that time staring up at him. Not that it was any of Spirit’s business.

Spirit could only stare, unblinking, as the man in front of him continued to smoke, nonchalant. “You’re living with Marie ‘More-Curves-Than-a-Racetrack’ Mjolnir, and she always looks like she wants to  _bang_  you and you always look like you wanna  _screw_  her, and you’re telling me you don’t need condoms.”

“Not this kind,” Stein replied, his eyes locking with Spirit’s.

“Wha-“

“This particular size might work fine for you, Senpai, but, personally, they’re small,” Stein said, a grin forming on his face when he threw the box back and Spirit gaped at him, his hands missing the catch.

“Stein-“

But the other man already pushed himself away, spinning toward the exit and, as per usual, fell flat on his back when the wheels hit the raised edge. 

Spirit looked at the contraception on the floor and then at his former Meister. “Jackass.” 

* * *

 

**3\. Stupid Questions**

Spirit sighed. He trusted Maka to do well in her exercises with Soul, but it would take a while for her to adjust to him being a Death Scythe. For the time being, all he could do was believe in his baby girl, but watching her set to the skies, soaring up into the clouds: well, it made him just a tad emotional. Marie was smiling, too, her hands absentmindedly playing with the hem of her shirt as she stared up.

“They grow up so fast,” Spirit commented, remembering when Maka was so small he could hold her in one hand, how he used to read to her. Marie giggled and nodded, which sent her blonde hair in front of her shoulders. She carelessly flicked it away just as Spirit looked down at her, and her hand managed to move her collar enough to show him a glimpse of-

“Woah woah woah, is that a hickey?” he asked, immediately shocked out of his sentimental stupor. Marie’s eye went wide, her palm clapping down overtop where the mark was under her collar.

“No! I…I burned myself…accidentally.”

Spirit raised a brow, his lips twitching. “Yeah?” Kami used the exact same excuse in the past, back before they were official. “How’d you manage that one?”

“I was curling my hair!” Marie said, but her voice was raising up, a blush coming over her face.

“Ah, c’mon, Marie! I’m me! I know a hickey when I see one.”

“It isn’t a hickey!” she argued, refusing to admit defeat. Spirit grinned at how stubborn she was.

“Is that why you’ve been wearing higher collars? Man, I was wondering.”

“Don’t pay attention to my neckline, you pervert!” Marie yelled, smacking Spirit on the shoulder, which stung more than he thought Marie knew. He winced, flinching away from her and taking a few steps back, raising his hands up in the general gesture for peace.

“Calm down! Jeez, you don’t know how strong you are.”

Marie huffed, looking away. After a pause, Spirit stared at her, his mind bringing up the fact that she wasn’t the only person who’d taken to buttoning up a tad more, and he gasped when it finally hit him. “Wait a minute, you and Stein…Death, is that why the two of you have been so cheerful lately? That means I won the betting pool-“

“Betting pool!?” Marie asking, whirling around. Before Spirit could deflect, or tease her for the dark red flush over her face that indicated how right he truly was, Marie’s punch was wailing him across the chin, her eye closed in mortification.

It was only later, while he was nursing his swollen cheek in Mira’s office that he realized Marie never denied his accusations of just who was to blame for mouth-marking her.

“Stein, my man,” he said, into the empty office, the pride echoing.

Though, the busted lip certainly muffled it.

* * *

 

**4\. Pull Up a Seat**

“Something wrong, Senpai?”

Spirit jolted slightly at the question, standing around awkwardly in the other man’s living room. He was chewing the inside of his lip, looking around the room and ignoring the almost sadistic glint to Stein’s gaze.

“Senpai?” Stein prodded, again.

Spirit sighed. There was no delicate way to put it.

“Look, uh…I need to sit down.”

Stein blinked, sparing a glance at the two purple monstrosities that Marie’d dragged into his home what felt like ages ago, when she first started calling it home, too.

“Yeah, about that,” Spirit started, noticing the movement, “I’d rather sit down somewhere the two of you haven’t had sex.”

“Hm,” Stein remarked, taking a second to glance around. He was incredibly tempted just to direct Spirit to whichever surface was closest, but his comment certainly brought up a point. Quickly, the scientist surveyed the room, moving his sight to a different area whenever it didn’t pass Spirit’s conditions. Spirit, for his part, made a face when the other man looked over at his window and then passed it by.

“Really, Stein? People can see you from there.”

“I’m thinking, Senpai.”

Spirit rolled his eyes and moved to lean against one of the filing cabinets under the assumption that, well, he couldn’t exactly sit on the thing, and it wasn’t very comfortable anyway, but Stein only looked at him and then away.

Spirit got the hint pretty fast and went upright immediately.

“Maybe we could move to the kitchen?” Spirit suggested, clearly wondering when last the lab was sterilized, though there was plenty of pride on his face.

Stein blinked and turned his head so he could better peer at the doorway that led to what Marie had designated as the kitchen, after she informed him that, for Death’s sake, she would not be cooking for them utilizing nothing but a Bunsen burner. He didn’t know why she was so picky about it all, but proper meals were nice, so he didn’t really complain.

When he looked up, thinking, Spirit coughed into his fist.

“You know what? It’s okay…I can stand.”

“That would be for the best,” Stein conceded, ruling out the stove.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Spirit shipped it like burning from the very beginning.


End file.
